Old quotes

[dougo]

For the first time in ages, I logged into soda.csua.berkeley.edu today, to change my .forward. I cleaned out that account a long time ago, but I left a bunch of dot-files, including the following .quotes file (last modified Dec 20 1991):

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
                        - Groucho Marx
"Now I guess I'll have to tell `em
 That I've got no cerebellum
 ... I'm a teenage lobotomy!"
                        - the Ramones
%%
"All the busy little creatures
 Chasing out their destinies
 Living in their pools
 They soon forget about the sea..."
                        - Neil Peart, "Natural Science"
%%
10. Seven
 9. Four
 8. Ten
 7. Three
 6. Eight and a half
 5. Nine
 4. Two
 3. One
 2. Eight
 1. Five and Six (tie)
                        - top ten numbers between one and ten (David Letterman)
%%
"Give me a huge enough pointer and I can control the world."
                        - Stan Kelly-Bootle
%%
"Crystal is less structured than other software---it's user friendly and
prompts and responds in syntax-free English."
                        - ad from Intelligent Environments Inc.
%%
"Gates to Run CIA"      - scary newspaper headline, spring '91
%%
"A witty saying proves nothing."
                        - Voltaire
%%
"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."
                        - a human confusing a natural-language parser
"The rat the cat the dog chased ate was grey."
                        - a computer sentence-generator confusing a human
%%
"If I offended you, oh I'm sorry
 But maybe you needed to be offended
 But here's my apology and one more thing...fuck you!"
                        - Mike Muir, "You Can't Bring Me Down"
%%
"There's just one thing left for me to do, Momma.
 I got to ding-a-ding dang my dang-along ling-long."
                        - Ministry, "Jesus Built My Hotrod"
%%
"You can lead a yak to water but you can't teach an old dog to make a silk
purse out of a pig in a poke."
                - Opus, commenting on the state of the Democratic party
%%
"Stop the terrorist network of guatamelon gorillas smuggling explosive
papayas into Ohio.  _Period_."
                - Opus, stating the Meadow party's position on Nicaragua
%%
% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.
                        - the C shell
%%
"Didn't mean to take up all your sweet time
 I'll give it right back to you one of these days"
                        - Jimi Hendrix, "Voodoo Chile (Slight Return)"
%-
%%

Kind of embarrassing, but also kind of funny.